I was just catching up on my good friend Mike's blog over at The Other Side's Thoughts, and ran into this entry, which in turn is about this blog post over on Salon, "I'm a Lesbian Marrying a Man."
The original post by EJ Levy is excellent and a wonderful, insightful read into the struggles of finding support for an identity that isn't seemingly mirrored by external appearances.
The sexual orientation of Levy and her male spouse obviously aren't a "match", but why should that mean Levy and her spouse are not a match? I don't know how Levy identifies romantically, but she seems to be me to be panromantic, at least as mirrors my own personal experiences. A person can easily be a lesbian and panromantic. She may have zero sexual attraction to her husband, but she can still share a romantic bond with him. And hell, even if she didn't, why would it matter? There are many reasons for marrying a person. Not the least of which seems to be strangely absent from peoples' minds in this case (just scroll down to read the hateful, close-minded, horrible comments Levy has gotten) ... and that's love. Pure and simple. Love. Love does not equal sex. Sex does not equal love. Certainly not for everyone.
I enjoyed Mike's observations as well as his spouse Ash's, and in particular, his discussion of their own marriage and how their own orientations don't entirely match. Mike and Ash also may not be 100% compatible in every way, but who really is? They love each other, are honest with each other, and strive to understand, and not to judge. Their relationship celebrates their differences as well as their similarities, and they strive together to be happy and live a meaningful life. That goes far beyond orientation. Strong relationships recognize wants and needs--but do not necessarily thrive on being able to satisfy all of them directly. They do nurture those wants and needs in whatever ways they can.
My own relationship is likewise built fundamentally on love, trust and understanding. My partner is heterosexual, and finds me sexually attractive since I am female. He isn't 100% compatible with me in every way though. We may be sexually compatible, but he doesn't share my kinks, and I don't expect him to. But our partnership is built on knowing we have each others' backs. He supports my kinks, even if he doesn't share them. He supports the fact that I am polyamorous. He also supports me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, even though his identity falls nowhere under that umbrella. I believe if I had been born a man and we had met, we would still be living together (platonically). Fundamentally the love our relationship is built on would still be there.
The bottom line is this: Love is so much more than mere convenience.
